Closer to Fine

I remember a period in my life when the skies were opening up with possibility. I had taken a position as artist in residence at the Phoenix Center. It was the early nineties and I was starting to see myself outside of my role as mother. I had spent the last 10 years since I left full time teaching to raise children. Those years were precious if not completely blurred in a pink cloud of motherhood and a brief interlude with Catholicism.
(more on THAT in future posts…)
I had taken a leap of faith because this position was a total unknown and low paying venture. At the same time I had been offered an opportunity to return to full time public school teaching. Somehow I knew that I had to take this risk. The years at the Phoenix Center were instrumental and helping forge a new direction in my life and work. The part that really pushed me into accepting the position was the idea that I could have a space to make art outside the home. Having a proper studio provided me with the room to grow as an artist. I first started experimenting with mixed media and book arts during this time. There is a sweet naivety to those halcyon years of pure expression without the baggage of Ego.
I remember vividly listening to this song in my studio full blast and feeling that spark of excitement about the unknown and uncharted future.
Here’s the lyrics -if I could figure out the complicated process of video or audio on this blog, I would offer it here. Check it out on YouTube- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUgwM1Ky228

Closer To Fine
Indigo Girls

I'm trying to tell you something bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all

Now darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor; I went to the mountains,
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin, and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry, or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
I got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains,
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I stopped by the bar at 3 am
To seek solace in a bottle, or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountain, I looked to the children, I drank
from the fountain
We go to the doctor, we go to the mountains, we look to the children, we drink
from the fountains
We go to the bible, we go through the workout, we read up on revival, we stand
up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine